Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Sobriety*: Four Months Sober

*but were too afraid to ask

Kayla Martell Feldman

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I asked my followers on Instagram and Twitter what questions they had for me about my sobriety — here is the result:

Photo by René Ranisch on Unsplash

Dating culture seems to revolve around pubs and bars; how does sobriety change that for you if at all?

I’ve been on exactly two dates since I quit drinking and they were with the same person. The first date was in the evening at a bar that I chose, and the second was a lunch date, again at a pub I chose. They were lovely dates with a lovely person who gave me their number in a moment of “fuck it” confidence. It didn’t work out, but I had a great time and I enjoyed getting to know them and the joyous adrenaline rush that comes with first dates and first kisses with a new person. The key things for me that made this slightly different was that I told them upfront, before our first date, that I don’t drink alcohol, and they didn’t bat an eyelid at that news.

I don’t think I’ve been on enough dates yet to really answer this question, but I think that’s going to be the litmus test for me — telling people before a first date that I don’t drink, and gauging from their response whether they’re someone I want to spend my time with. Dating isn’t a huge part of my life and it never has been (I really love being single), but also, because I still enjoy going to bars and pubs even without the alcohol, I don’t think (yet) there will be any major change there.

Pubs and bars are good first-date spots. As Lucy Foster put it in her play Lobster (which I directed!) — “I always meet a date at the pub, because then it can just be a drink and you can run, but if you want to, you can also stay.” However, I think if I do go for more than two dates with someone and feel a spark, I might start to branch out more. The dinosaur-themed mini-golf course right by my house, for instance.

How do you handle the boredom? (Not a snarky question)

I own approximately 1,500 books, I have a subscription to Netflix, and I actually like my friends and housemates, so I don’t understand the question.

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Kayla Martell Feldman

Anglo-American atheist Jew. Director & writer for stage & screen. Book person, intersectional feminist, poet. Living with OCD. Not an Expert. she/her