Prosecco Dreams and Phantom Guilt: Eight and a Half Months Sober
Navigating drinking dreams
Have you ever had a dream where you did or said something unspeakable, let alone forgivable, only to spend the entirety of the following day feeling guilty about it? You definitely didn’t steal from charity, fuck your student, or go on a murder spree, but you still walk around all day feeling sick to your stomach that you unwillingly dreamt about it.
I have always been a vivid dreamer. Sometimes, I dream so viscerally that my OCD completely overtakes my logical brain and I believe that what I have dreamt is true or will become true. I have written previously about waking from a nightmare in which my sister died, not believing she was alive until I had spoken to her on the phone. My dreams are often disturbing and rarely cathartic. Often, I wake up in the morning confused and stressed, finding it difficult to leave the bed until I have processed and understood exactly what went on during the night. As I’ve said in the past, it seems that the trade-off of the pharmaceutical cocktail that has makes my waking hours bearable and sleep possible (without the crippling anxiety of obsessing over things that I know aren’t happening but compulsively making sure that they aren’t happening) is the increased state of what I might call “dream anxiety”.
