Yes, I Miss It: Three Months Sober

All the shit bits of being sober

Kayla Martell Feldman
4 min readJul 2, 2021


I’ve made a big show of going sober. My past two articles have been primarily focused on how much calmer and happier I have become since I quit drinking. How many things in my life were wrong or difficult or out of control because of or made worse by alcohol, and how easy it has been to seamlessly slip into a life without it. So, to celebrate being 90 days sober, I’m going to share with you all of the times it hasn’t been easy.

Photo by Rachael Henning on Unsplash

It hasn’t been easy to say no to a round of shots. In fact, I’ve started ordering shots of pineapple juice when everyone else is doing tequila, because I’m mildly allergic to pineapple so it makes me feel alive. No, it’s not the same, but when people act shocked that I’m drinking something I’m allergic to, I find it extremely satisfying to retort “you’re literally drinking rocket fuel, calm down.”

It hasn’t been easy when I get stressed or depressed, to suppress the desire to take the edge off with a drink. A lot of people recommend meditation for this, but it just doesn’t work for me (this is not an invitation to convince me I haven’t done meditation right, I’ve tried loads of different types, please leave me alone). I have noticed that I feel my emotions a lot more deeply since I stopped drinking, and although that sometimes feels scary, it is good to remember that feelings have a purpose. That it’s better to ride that wave, however tall and strong, than to numb myself to that wave, and in doing so, allow that wave to last even longer and delay the inevitable. So, when this happens, I reach out. I message one of my many group chats, I phone my sober friends, and sometimes I just go for a long walk or listen to a really sad album. Ride the wave, folks. You’re going to meet it either way: you can either be underwater and swimming, or underwater and drowning.

Photo by Tim Marshall on Unsplash

It hasn’t been easy when someone comments on my sobriety negatively. The funny looks, the smirks, the groups of lads offering to buy my friends a round of drinks and laughing when I ask for juice. Note to all: don’t do this. Don’t question it when people order drinks without alcohol. Don’t…



Kayla Martell Feldman

Anglo-American atheist Jew. Director & writer for stage & screen. Book person, intersectional feminist, poet. Living with OCD. Not an Expert. she/her


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